The Beauty of Broken Women

WomenAre broken women the new black? Have the tables finally turned on the demands of perfectionism for women? After all, isn’t perfectionism the thin veil we hide behind that keeps us safe from people seeing the real us? Is perfectionism actually the wet blanket that keeps us safe because we fear that the world or people won’t really like us or like what they see….. because, in all honesty, the perfectionist doesn’t like herself?

If that’s the case then why has the myth of superwoman and the craziness of perfect overridden who we really are? Have we allowed this? Did we get sucked into a narrative that caused us to deny the truth of who we are or where we are in life? Have we denied the fragmentation of our lives so much that we’ve limped through in an effort to be who others needed us to be? Have we, in fact, denied ourselves?  Aren’t we all broken in some way, shape or form? I know I’ve lived through brokenness. Through broken dreams, broken heart, and pain that has run deep at times.

I love the words so eloquently crafted in Brene Brown’s ‘Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted‘ it resonates with me. In my book that is coming out in December (published by Broadstreet Publishing) I share stories of women who have been broken and have found that resilience is their strength to carry on.

I’m posing this question (to whoever reads this) for a number of reasons.

1) because I believe wholeheartedly that we need to live free of shame and guilt and out of the shadows of our pain that have kept us hidden.

2) I’m seeing brokenness everywhere and it’s like there is this gravitational pull towards it. People are finding their voice in and through others who are choosing to be real.

3) We are all tired of fake. It’s old. It’s a killer and it’s exhausting.

4) If we are always focussing on the future or what’s next, we are being robbed of the truth of today. That message is telling us to ignore what’s real today and just look to the future for healing and goodness. All the good stuff seems to be somewhere else and the awkward, uncomfortable and painful are dismissed.

5) Pain and brokenness isn’t a bad thing that needs to be ignored or swept under the carpet.

If we look at some of the strong influential voices right now they have all stood up and bravely spoken out about their truth, their pain and their brokenness; Brene Brown, Glennon Melton Doyle, Jen Hatmaker, Diana Butler Bass, Anne Lamont, Lisa Gungor, Jaime Wright (just to name a few). This is something I’ve done in my book, I did my best to weave my own story throughout the stories of countless women that I interviewed across the globe. It’s a work that I’m super excited to share although fully anticipating a vulnerability hangover….. but guess what? That’s okay and I won’t be alone.

I was talking to someone the other day about the book, which by the way is called, ‘You are More’ and I said that I feel like it’s going to be another opportunity for people to EXHALE. I, on the other hand, will be holding my breath until I hear from some of you who read it :).

Consider some of the recent popular shows on TV: The Handmaid’s Tale. We are fascinated by the insanity of the show. Gilead is a totalitarian society ruled by a fundamentalist regime that treats women as property. Apparently, this was written based on aspects taken from certain countries which is the craziness of it all. Viewers are equally captivated and absolutely freaked out about the fact that ‘it could be’ and rather than ‘praise be’ they are saying, ‘what the actual’? Through this show, we watch Offred played by Elizabeth Moss become more and more broken and it’s her that we relate to. Her pain is real. Her lived experience painfully close to home for many whether it be through rape, control or loss of identity. Her facial expressions alone allow us to process our own pain as her character lives through hers.

What about Big Little Lies? A cast of A-list actresses (Nicole Kidman, Reece Witherspoon, Laura Dern, Shailene Woodley, Zoe Kravitz) play incredible characters. Immaculately dressed suburban mothers, successful husbands, stunning children and incredible homes. They are seemingly living lives of envy yet beneath the sheen and gloss there are rumours, fractured relationships between couples, parents and children and friendships. Characters endure domestic violence, there is the addiction to drugs, alcohol and careers. Pain is riddled through the storyline and again, viewers are captivated because finally, we are getting a glimpse into reality.

Life isn’t perfect, we don’t live in a world void of pain, sadness, rejection. Yes, tomorrow is another day and maybe the best is yet to come but for most, today is all that can be dealt with and thankfully we are finally in a place where we are saying enough is enough. Let me process, let me feel this and let me walk through it at my own speed because (as you’ll hear me say in my book) when the truth is out, we can walk through anything. Let’s stop with the shame and blame game and let’s give ourselves and everyone else permission to be whether that be broken, fractured or put back together and putting one foot in front of the other.

Let’s put on our pom poms and cheer each other on one step at a time and accept that it’s okay not to be okay.

Lastly, interested in making a change in your life? Applications are now open for the GetRealLive Retreat and we would love to host you. Spots are limited so apply now and be with us.


The Message of the Table

A number of years ago my parents made the big decision to move from our farm and family home into our small, very quaint town. As many of you know, a move like this is huge. With well over 30 years, 4 children plus countless family members and friends who have created memories in the home and on the property, it was a big task. Read More


Why we need to love ourselves crazy

LoveI recently watched the new Amy Schumer movie ‘I Feel Pretty‘, and all I can say is if you haven’t watched it yet. GO. It’s hilarious and has such a good girl power message to it. Grab your girlfriends and your daughters and see it. That’s what I did, and I promise you will laugh. I haven’t laughed so hard in a movie since watching ‘Why Him‘ another hilarious movie but not one I’d recommend for a girls night out with your friends and daughters. But, if your movie filter is a little broken, then it’s another movie you might want to watch if you need a crazy belly laugh.

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How I told my family to F*!# Off, and I’m still a great Mum

familyIt’s true. I did it.

I always thought I would hold it together. I’d never be one of ‘those mums’. But I guess I underestimated the power of perimenopausal hormones and the sheer frustration of modern life. Who knew I could stoop so low and tell the ones I love more than anyone else on this planet to ‘f*#* off’?

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Princess Cruise for a Day

I am heading off on a three-day cruise next week without the company of my family. Instead I am travelling with a friend of mine that I have known my entire life! We are celebrating our birthday on the cruise as we share the same day. For those interested, you’ll see some of our adventures on social media (Instagram & Facebook) because like any good social media girl, I’ve bought the deluxe drink package + wifi!!!! Disconnected yet a little connected.

For now, allow me to take you on a trip back through time to the first cruise experience we had as a family. It was a massive joint family endeavour; the five of us, my sisters family and her three kids, my brothers family and his four kids and my mum… Enjoy!

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Inside the Quiet.

Like many people, I have tried over the years to stick to New Year’s resolutions and promises made to myself.

Like most, inevitably I fail a few weeks into the year. Whether it be my bad habits, the desire to shift some unneeded weight, the year I learn a new language or start to paint. The only resolution that I hold onto seems to be the one that promises I won’t do it. Resolutions, for whatever reason, have not worked for me.

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Social Media, Teens and the Judgement We Pass

Social Media

Social Media… it’s a jungle out there.

Firstly, let me say that I have been guilty of what I’m about to write. Why am I writing and exposing myself and possibly many of you who are reading? I’m writing because we need to address ‘Social Media, Teens and the Judgement We Pass’. We are raising teenagers and I’ve had a gut full of the harmful chatter. It’s time to say something.

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Back to School… The Aching Heart of a Mother

IMG_1543Over the past few weeks, kids across Australia have headed back to school Lazy summer days are over and the school bell beckons our attention. How did our holidays slip by so quickly? Where did the days, the plans, the sleepovers go? Alas, we are faced with lunchboxes, new diaries, schedules, school fairs, sports carnivals, meet the teacher nights and homework.

This year, I sent off my eldest, Sophia to complete her final three terms of Year 12. Our son, Gabriel, is in Year 9, and our sweet little Ella is in Year 5. How did we get here? Where did the years go?

Whilst scrolling through Facebook and looking at everyone’s back to school photos, I landed on a picture and post by my friend

Katie and her big boy

Katie and her big boy

Katie. Katie’s eldest is heading off to the big school, and by that I mean Kindergarten. Her photo said so much. I could see the sadness in her eyes and the excitement and anticipation in his. The eagerness to step into this new adventure was all about him and that familiar pang in the heart and guts could be seen in Katie. Her comment read: “The only photo I was allowed to get of this big boy starting school this morning. We’ve found ourselves here in the blink of an eye (my blink – not his). Every day has been a treasure and today especially … My big, brave boy walking off to class with his puppy (Teddy) under his arm.”

As I read her words, I found myself lost in a world of grief. I remember the first day of big school for all my children and today, especially Sophia. I commented on Katie’s post and confirmed the blink. We are warned of it when we have our children, but it never seemed real – until now! Whether for Katie, who is embarking on the school years, or myself who is nearing the end of a chapter for one child, I desperately don’t want the story to end, yet I am excited and feel that I am being prepared for Part 2, or the “to be continued”.

As I drove my children to school (yes, I made my 17-year-old let me drive her to school for her final first day of secondary education), I looked over at her sitting so confidently and beautifully beside me. In a blink, my mind raced back to the day when I was driving her to prep, perched in her car seat, lunchbox grasped in her hand, feet dangling and listening to the Wiggles. Today, I looked at this woman who is prepared to face the world, to go out and explore and to live a life she loves. There were no Wiggles in the background; rather it was something she had chosen from her playlist, a new band she had discovered that speaks her language. I felt a tear in my heart.

I thought about the years of school and all the moments that could be found in the BLINK. The hormonal days I’ve had driving them to school, yelling like a lunatic, knowing that my hormones were causing me to be a complete nutter. The days that her hormones were all over the place causing her to freak out over the length of her skirt, shoelaces or the shade of her foundation. Mums of teenage girls, you know what I’m talking about. The times when I forgot it was costume day or, the many mornings I dug through the contents of my car trying my best to create news stories out of discarded straws, matchbox cars or business cards simply because news day crept up each week far too quickly. What about the birthday cupcakes that I didn’t bake and the ones the other mums did, the decorated ones that deserved a spread in bloody Martha Stewart Living? What about the assemblies where awards were given out for picking up the most garbage on the school yard or acing the spelling bee? I made it to some, but others I missed because I simply hadn’t put them in my calendar. It’s in these moments that I scream at social media because undoubtedly another doting mother has posted or texted me a picture of my children because I wasn’t there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the photo that was sent, it’s just the personal guilt I struggle with.

Then there’s the parental academic and sports jousting. Thankfully, I did my best to avoid this trap, and I would advise my younger friends to do the same. Trust me, it kills friendships and damages your kids. In saying that, as a mother who works out of the home, I have been guilty of secretly despising the mums who don’t miss a beat. Those who bake, complete every inch of homework on time, never forget a library book, attend every excursion, incursion, book parade and fair. There have been times when this has bugged me, downright annoyed me and left me feeling “less than”.

But today, as I look at my daughter, I’m so glad I learned to be grateful for the picture-taking, baking mums who have filled the gaps when I have fallen short. The ones who have cheered my children on from the sidelines when I didn’t make it or I was away working.  I am forever grateful, and I too have held their children when they’ve been hurt or have forgotten a book. I have been there and although I highlight the times I missed a beat I know that I was there more than not. In fact, my husband and I have made every effort to attend as much as possible for our kids. But, the cookie doesn’t always crumble the way we would like it to.

What I do know is that as we have matured as mothers and fathers and are now looking at the women and men we have raised, we realise that we have grown with them. We have become better. We celebrate each other knowing that our children will make mistakes. They may not always get straight A’s or become the school captain or valedictorian. They might get suspended, talk back to a teacher or upset another student and that’s okay because it is all part of their journey.

To my eldest, Sophia, I want to thank you. Thank you for being amazing. Thank you for always being so teachable and allowing us to shape you, because as we’ve shaped you, you’ve changed us. Thank you for letting me re-live my school years through the many projects we did together – I apologise for taking the reins during these times and becoming a crazed mother. You know I LOVE the project work!!! Thank you for the moments that you have created, the ones that have had us doubled over in laughter and the ones that have seen us go through a tissue box. Thank you for working hard and getting good grades because that has seriously made our job much easier. Thank you for becoming my morning DJ on the days where only JB, Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers or, more recently, Lana Del Rey and the infamous Kanye West would take us to where we needed to be. Thank you for those times we sang Adele’s HELLO and Bonnie Tyler’s TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART at the top of our lungs. Thank you for getting your driver’s licence and giving us the opportunity to spend 120 hours in the car with you. Hours I will never regret. Slow trips to Canberra, hair-raising lane changes and a few near misses. I’m sorry for those “grandma” moments when I hit the invisible brakes and grabbed for the door handle.

As for your school lunches …. well, I tried my best, shunning processed food in favour of healthier options, but it’s fair to say that dinner is more my priority. Dinner is when we get to gather at the end of the day, linger around the table and share stories of the day’s adventures. Oh, the joy.

To the parents out there who are still tearing up either because, as my friend Katie, your little one has just started, or because, like me, you hope the days linger and slow down, just relax and savour the moments. Take it all in because if you blink, you might miss it. As parents, be intentional about cheering each other on, it will only help our school communities and the relationships we find ourselves in. Life is way too short to concern ourselves with what we perceive other people’s problems to be. As the good book says: “Whoever is without sin among you, let him be the first to cast a stone at her.” And in one of my favourite quotes, J.M. Barry encourages us: “Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” Wise words, indeed.

 


GetRealLive Radio is BACK!

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We are excited to invite you to join us tomorrow for GetRealLive Radio. Yes, there is Real Talk Radio with myself and Mark Zschech and back by popular demand and much planning, Nicole Liboiron and I are hitting the air waves tomorrow morning and we would love for you to join us.

 

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Tomorrow we have a really interesting guest. Author, Joseph Wakim, will be with us and he will be sharing his story about losing his wife and how he had to step in and raise his 3 Daughters on his own. Published by Allen & Unwin the book is called, ‘What my Daughters Taught Me.’ It has been described as a ‘brilliantly honest memoir … hilariously so’ and also a ‘fight against gender and cultural stereotypes’.

The book not only deals candidly with father-daughter relationships, but also with resilience, hope, faith, masculinity, strength, grief and the ‘humour hormone’.

Tune in tomorrow at 10am (Sydney AEDT) and be part of the conversation. We will be taking calls, answering questions and comments from Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

Click on the link below to listen live or on demand

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