Life isn’t perfect but guess what? The sky isn’t falling… You’ll be okay! There is a word that has been making its way around social media spaces and blogs. From what I can see, it started with Glennon Doyle Melton, the founder of Momastery. The word is Brutiful. It’s usually used in reference to the lives we all live. Our lives are both beautiful and brutal at the same time which gives us brutiful.
This week I would say I’m having a brutiful week. In many ways I have felt like Chicken Little and that the sky is falling. Some days have been filled with the sunshine, great thoughts and high moments. Whilst others have been riddled with angst, frustration, anger and even hurt.
As I write this, I feel empowered. Empowered because I’m getting a little tired of the ‘life is so beautiful’ highlight reels that we seem to see everywhere. Whether it be on social media or conversation. And yes, I’ve been guilty the highlight reel which is why I started #realitygram101 on Instagram. #realitygram101 shows the real of life in all of its glory. I find it hard to believe that everything is rosy ALL THE TIME. (note: feel free to use the #realitygram101 tag and engage with us 🙂
I’ve been prompted to write a week wrap up today? Perhaps because I’ve had so many conversations this week with people who are in challenging times. I’ve had calls from friends and people in my life who are struggling. They are fighting with REAL issues that can’t be wiped away in an instant or with a ‘tomorrow is another day’ comment. The pain and struggles are real. I believe that the more we talk about these things, the more we let our truth out and are okay with it, the easier the journey to freedom. Through conversation with others and observation of my life, it’s apparent that our challenges are multiplied by the need to make it appear like we’ve got it all together. What rubbish! Find me one person who has it all together and lives the highlight reel and I’ll give you a million bucks.
I truly believe that the more we talk about these things, the more we let our truth out….. and are okay with it, the easier the journey to freedom. Through conversation with others and observation of my life, it’s apparent that our challenges are multiplied by the need to make it appear like we’ve got it all together. What rubbish! Find me one person who has it all together and lives the highlight reel and I’ll give you a million bucks.
My challenges this week:
1) My husband and I have had to say no to one of our children concerning something they’ve wanted to do and have planned. Timing and the details aren’t lining up, so we’ve had to say no when everything within me wants to say yes. I’ve had to stop myself from trying to renegotiate with my husband in an effort to change our no to a yes. I know the decision we’ve made is right, however, I hate seeing my kids disappointed. Especially in this instance. Life isn’t perfect!
2) Work has been a challenge on every side. Life isn’t perfect!
3) Hormones feel like they are locking and popping while breakdancing through my body. My memory is just a distant memory. It doesn’t seem to be filing and locating things like it did in my 20’s and that’s driving me nuts. Life isn’t perfect!
4) I’m desperately trying to get used to my eyesight changing. This is seriously driving me NUTS! Sounds stupid but I’m finding the transition literally to transition lenses debilitating. Life isn’t perfect!
5) We are in the middle of a small renovation that I thought would be completed by this Friday, and it’s only 1/4 of the way through. My house is riddled with bits and pieces everywhere and I DO NOT function well when this happens. Life isn’t perfect!
6) One of my children asked me this week, ‘why are you such a dick to us?’ Yep, that was an all-time high for me, and that question wasn’t even about point #1. It was a different situation altogether. Following the comment, I found myself weeping whilst perfecting the best gravy I had ever made for our chicken dinner last night. Yep, there I was stirring away and crying because my feelings were hurt and I was referred to as a dick! Was I that sensitive or could this be traced back to the dancing hormones? Life isn’t perfect!
After being called a ‘dick’, I reminded my child that I would have NEVER called my mother a dick and had I, the sky certainly would have fallen. I can’t even imagine.
The highlight of this experience was when this child apologised and realised where they had gone wrong. It was a touching moment and one that I’m sure I’ll experience again. A reminder that as a mother, your heart truly does walk around on the outside of your body. It’s amazing how words can hurt and words can heal.
I did get a chuckle this morning. I was standing in the shower, reliving the conversation of last night and the dick reference. My mind quickly went back to a scenario that my eldest daughter, Sophia, and I witnessed at the airport upon returning from our Christmas holiday. There was a family who, like us, were waiting for their baggage that seemed to be taking forever. The mother stood patiently with her youngest child and another who appeared to be about 13. Her older son and husband searched for their luggage. After hearing their conversation, it became apparent that her middle child was on the autism spectrum and was having trouble waiting for the baggage. Understandably because he, like the rest of us, just wanted to get home.
As time ticked on and our bags remained unseen, the frustrated child became more annoyed at the situation and verbalised his frustration to his mother. At one point, blaming her for a situation that was beyond her control, he shouted at her ‘I hope you choke on your tits’. Needless to say, my heart broke for this mother when I heard these words. Who would ever want their child to yell that at them in such a way? I could see the pain in her eyes yet her calm composure seemed to diffuse any tension or increased anxiety that could have developed.
With this comment and being a very visual person, you can imagine where my mind began to wonder. Jet lag was looming, and I was lost in thought about his statement and the ability to actually choke on one’s mammaries. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not possible.
I found myself giggling about the ridiculous comment that the beautiful boy had thrown at his mother. In her pain and hurt from that experience, did she or does she know that her story/journey has helped me walk through my hurt? Would she ever know that her, just being her, in that moment and not being phased by the prongs that words can have truly touched my heart? Would she ever know that whilst in the shower I found myself healing through laughter, not at her son but rather at the story of motherhood? How in the midst of pain, frustration and at times hurt motherhood remains one of the most extraordinary stories to be told. And, it’s through our experiences that others are built?
Life Isn’t Perfect…..This week the sky has felt like it was falling. The feeling that the walls were caving in and everything was all too hard was real. Yet, it’s been through the lives and truth of others that my spirits have been lifted.
I smile when I think about Thursday morning when my girlfriend phoned and as soon as I answered she said, ‘What’s wrong?’ My response was very ho-hum. She offered to buy me a coffee and come by to which I gratefully accepted. She arrived on my doorstep with a perfect coffee in hand, Turkish bread, honey and a bunch of daisies. She knew what I needed. I didn’t need her to solve my problem. I didn’t need her to show me that the sky wasn’t falling. I needed to sit, eat some toast and drink coffee. She lifted my spirits through something simple and uncomplicated by simply being.
Through our truth and vulnerability, we carry healing and wholeness. In truth, there is a great freedom that allows us to be who we were meant to be. We aren’t perfect and life isn’t perfect but in the imperfect, the sometimes painful and the hurt joy can be found. It’s here that we can honestly say that life, in its fullness is BRUTIFUL.
To all the mummas out there who have had a challenging week, who have know that life isn’t perfect, may your weekend be filled with scrambled eggs, buttery toast, morning walks, hot coffee and great weekend sex!